Thursday, July 5, 2012

Grist Town: Your gate. Your town. Your tawdry details.

By TalkLoud, FNF staff gossip columnist

War Front: Gymir


As war grips the galaxy and loss tears at us all, one would never think to look to the battered world of Gymir for hope. Looking at the air, ash mixing with snow, blanketing the world in grey, with only the red accents of blood and flame to break the monotony, it would seem that this first impression is the correct one. The joint forces of Rama’s Red Fist and the Army of the Covenant are taking heavy losses, and even though this union between the Fringe and the Empire is inspiring it itself, reports have had the forces taking heavy losses and struggling to hold on. The greatest industrial might of the Fringe, the Red Fist machines, have proven themselves ineffective against the Great Warbots. That is, until a few days ago. Reports are confused on the matter, but it appears as if a large number of Red Fist machines were reported as missing and unable to be located just after a new shipment arrived on Gymir. Sabotage was suspected, and there were those who even implicated the Army of the Covenant, raising tensions even higher. This changed when but two days ago, the stolen Red Fist machines were believed to be moving towards the front.
The Red Fist machines looked changed, slightly bigger somehow, and were covered in strange paint so that they were no longer Red, but were an almost tribal looking assortment of white, greys and browns. The larger warbots once again strode forward, looking to render the Red Fist machines useless. The Red Fist machines strode on, wading into the fray, ignoring the warbots. The gathered forces cheered, and then gasped as a warbot punched entirely through a Red Fist machine that was battling two other robots. The robot’s arm was covered in fur and blood. The other Red Fist machines then gave tremendous bellows of pain and grief, and all those gathered then knew the truth. The Red Fist machines were no longer machines. They were being worn as battle armor by the mighty Yetis of Gymir, who had risen up to protect their ancient home.
The Yetis, aided by unknown scientists and technicians, have altered the Red Fist machines to fit their unique physiology. Conical electronode amplification modules have been retrofitted into the helmets of the suits, allowing for the already devastating War Shouts of the Yetis to be shaped into concentrated beams of hypersonic destruction. Reports say that the frequency emitted is enough to disorient the smaller war bots, allowing the Yetis to maul them while their defenses are preoccupied. The claws of the Yeti, prized by poachers for their value to technology firms due to the ultraconductivity of the Yeti’s cryokeratin, have been infused with the dense carbotanium plated fibers used in the suits, allowing for massive jolt of energy to come sizzling out of their claws. This, combined with the Yeti’s natural skill to puncture even the thickest armor plating and their already incredible strength, makes the Mecha-Yetis a force to be reckoned with.
King Rama has been unavailable for comment on the matter, but many of King Rama’s forces have been heard to be training with the Yetis. Talks of mounting saddles or chairs to the back of the Mecha-Yetis and outfitting them with shoulder mounted machine guns has been bandied back and forth, according to inside sources. Time will tell if this turns the tide in the battle for Gymir, but one thing is for certain. The battle isn’t over Yeti.

Grassroot Campaign Changing the Season of Yazatas Politics

A paid advertisement by Pollinate the Vote, a Leithe Political Action Committee

Now more than ever, the soil of the change is fertile and ready to be sown. It’s time to germinate the Council of Elders with a new voice. When thinking about who to vote for in this election cycle, we invite you to remember that much like in the bedroom, three ladies are better than one. With killer bodies and killer intellects, the Triumvirate of Technological Triumphs are the choice for our Troubled Times. These ladies have been on the frontlines as the vines of the Enemy slowly spread, seeding terror and reaping the fruit of discord. The Triumvirate are no mere wallflowers. They simply blossom under pressure.
Dr. Frostberry is not only a skilled psion, respected medical physician and a galactic-class researcher,  but she’s also one of the most trusted of all the people of Gate Town, on the planet of Eclipse, when it comes to genetics, investigation of death and protection against virulent planet killing diseases. With a honk frog in one gloved hand and a blaster in the other, Dr. Frostberry fights illness in all of its myriad forms. As the Yazatas say, “The sweetest berry is the berry picked from the vine of knowledge”. Then again fellas, remember that old saying about doctors. They are used to seeing a lot of little pricks. With Dr. Frostberry, there is no need to put out feelers for the right choice. Drink the wine of change, vote Frostberry!
If that wasn’t enough, Dr. Frostberry is accompanied by the luscious lily of learning, Larkspur. A self-made woman, Larkspur is one of the foremost experts in the field of energy and energy research and development on a planet where the tree of genius has taken root. She leafs all the other competition behind her, embarking into fields where only the bravest scientists dare plant their ideas, hoping they bloom into discoveries and breakthroughs. Larkspur is an orchard of innovation, with apples of inspiration, invention and utility falling off of her branches. There is no problem too complex for the brilliance of Larkspur. She’s choloroFILLED with good ideas! Spring into action and support Larkspur and the Triumvirate.
Last but certainly not least is the spiciest of all the Triumvirate, no other than the skilled healer and medical worker known as Rosemary. Some would say that by any other name she would smell as well, but no one would ever forget the skill and care that Rosemary exhibits. While she might appear delicate, her enemies would be smart to watch out for her thorns! She is no defenseless flower. She can survive in the harshest environments and she’s no stranger to having a good time. She’s a woman of the people and keeps the Triumvirate rooted in the needs of Leithe. With Rosemary, there is no need to put out feelers for the right choice. As you can see, she is firm believer in recycling, too. Spring into action and vote Rosemary in this summer of change! Don’t let it fall by the wayside and have to winter more of the same!
This election, vote the choice that makes sense. Vote Frostberry, Larkspur and Rosemary!
It’s time to reap the fruit of change!
Gossip Scraps
  • Real estate scam exposed! Wild Card reports that Middian is filled with lovely ladies in skimpy bikinis, fruity drinks and the finest in grog sponsored beach entertainment. What sort of legal mastermind could be profiting from such a scam? Well, it’s not like Middian is exactly filled with criminal lawyers, emphasis on the criminal...
  • In an unrelated note, the FNF is looking for the address of one Seeker to deliver a stack of unmarked bills.
  • Ernesto’s Emotional Emporium, a subsidiary of Mood Make-Up, a holding of LaSandra’s Life Choices LLC., a child of SpaceCorp, has shot up in after hours trading as a run on black waterproof mascara and eyeliner has been seen on Middian. Ernesto is reported as saying that he assured the buyer, who emptied his supplies, that the make-up would not interact poorly with cybernetics, and that yes, it would fit in any number of the buyer’s pouches and bags quite comfortably.
  • The Agent of the Tulku was seen leaving Iron Town with an actual member of the Tulku Council. Well, we suppose that answers that question.
  • The Fringe News Feed would to issue an apology to the person formerly known as the Black Widow of Middian. It turns out one Samantha Stabbington, formerly of Taranis, was arrested under multiple murder charges by Avalon in the small colony of Morgan’s Landing on the planet of Middian. A neighbor said, “we should have known something was awry when we found out that Samantha changed her name”. When asked what alias she was under the neighbor responded “Oh no, she changed it TO Stabbington. I guess that should have been a clue in hindsight”.
  • The person formerly referred to as the Black Widow of Middian has instead been revealed as the Sable Seductress, who is able to wield her considerable talents to been the will of even the most stalwart soul. She is believed to be responsible for eight intergalatic bank robberies on various planets around the galaxy, including three on the same day in the most lucrative crime spree in recent memory. We here at the FNF would have surely have recognized this sooner had we not fallen under her considerable sphere of influence and had our minds mesmerized, as is her wont. The Sable Seductress is known for becoming friendly with various web guides months before a planned heist, in order to have several getaway routes secured off node. Coincidence? We leave that up to you!
  • If you have seen the whereabouts of the memories of Lotus and Coffin Stuffer, please return them at once. They have offered a very large reward for their return, but they have forgotten about this. We can assure it, it’s a big one!
  • The Mistress of Fire earned her name once again as she was overheard delivering some wicked burns to an unknown bedridden figure. Even as she stood guard for this person to recover, her fiery tongue was delivering scorching rejoinders.
  • It seems that X’s man, Rock Falconson, really lights up her life.
  • Snickersnac was seen arguing and growing agitated several times during the trip to Iron Town. Are the claws about to come out? I’d watch out, she means business.
  • Lyre was seen stabbing things in the foot quite often this past weekend. When asked about her new technique she replied “Sometimes I forget what I’m doing by the time the spear finishes swinging and start reading a book. I finish more novels in combat, you wouldn’t believe...”
  • Displays-His-Abs wore no shirt all weekend. More on this story as it develops.
  • The people of Gate Town have begun the domestication of the deadly Narakan Acid Wasp. Smuggled off planet before the robots arrived, the people of Gate Town have taken to sharing their houses with them and training them as best as they can. They have not yet perfected the training, but soon enough foes of Gate Town will be screaming, “Oh Hel NAW!”
  • Kills-With-Her-Mind now wants to take your blood into herself. I’d warn against this but I don’t think I’d be able to finish delivering the wa-
  • Kills-With-Her-Mind is one of the loveliest people in Gate Town and everyone should give her presents.
  • Pulpiteer was seen reminding everyone that in this time of war, Confession helps ease the mind and body.
  • The Gate Town Summer Concert Series is in full swing. Singing may now be heard constantly and without cessation. Free of charge!
  • In a strange move, the people have declared hunting season to be Open for ravens.
  • Dr. Firm is rumored to be once again seeking out the comfort of a certain silicate playmate. Is love once again in the air? We’ve seen Dr. Firm, the answer is yes.
  • Silver Alloy has stablized Insane Ideas, LLC. in recent days, restoring some confidence in the enterprise.
  • Tibia was seen with a frown on his face for most of the past weekend. What’s up with that boy?

1 comment:

  1. Empathic Cyborg WebguideJuly 5, 2012 at 5:48 PM

    Obviously a fabrication in parts. Any who have gazed into my eyes knows that I would never sully my luscious lashes with mascara. My glorius lashes were hand crafted by some of the greatest of Imperial cyberneticists, it would dishonor their work to try to add to it.

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