Friday, February 4, 2011

Ten Ways to Protect Yourself From Marauders!

By Tom Topptin - FNF Staff

Marauders. Screaming maniacs who can pour out of a gate at any moment, thirsty for carnage and blood. They take no prisoners. They leave only death in their wake. How many of our people have been dragged screaming through a gate, to be sacrificed in their blasphemous rites? They could strike anywhere, anytime. Are YOU prepared? We at the Fringe News Feed have compiled these potentially lifesaving tips to help keep you safe.

1. Arm Yourself - Most folks on the Fringe keep a weapon or two around the house, but you should have a weapon handy at all times. Forearmed is forewarned!

2. Move in Packs - You rarely see a Marauder without 5 or more others with them, either running and screaming obscenities or hiding in the shadows muttering dark prayers. You should do the same! (The grouping up, not the obscenities or dark prayers) The more of you, the more likely you will be able to fend off a quick raid... or buy time for a rescue party to show up.

3. Know Your Foe - Marauders are hard to miss, but for people who haven't seen them before, here are some common traits:
  • Screaming incoherently
  • Kit-bashed armor scrawled with symbols, usually a spiral. Some Marauders will have armor surgically embedded in their skin - a deranged arrangement that leaves them in constant pain and rage.
  • May just be spattered with blood or decorated with the bones of their victims.
  • Often bleeding from self-inflicted cuts. They are known to slice away any tattoos or identifying marks of their former lives
  • Some Marauders actually speak in coherent tones. These are cunning and often much more dangerous than the usual bloodthirsty screaming maniac.

4. Dress for Success - Marauders are a dour lot, what with the black clothes and the blood and the screaming and all. Since they hail from the dark reaches of the Epherium, it would behoove you to look like a creature from their native environment. Bright colors that clash could confuse a Marauder, thinking that you are one of the many Epherium-spawned abominations that infest the dark corners of the Web Ways.

5. Run, Don't Walk - If you are caught out and about without knife, group, or bright yellow duster, RUN! Run as fast as you can and don't stop until you are surrounded by highly armed allies, or they stop chasing you. Be prepared to run a LONG way.

6. Don't Hesitate by the Gate - If you are traveling, and can manage it, keep yourself as far away from the local Gate as possible. The occasional "planet roving" bands of Marauders do happen on Eclipse, but most of the time they come screaming directly out of a gate. They have even been known to come out of a gate that was not aligned! The farther you are away from the Gate, the farther they will have to run to get to you. When was the last time you saw a Marauder drive a transport?

7. Unseen is Unmurdered - Unless you are standing right by the Gate when the Marauders emerge (see #6 above for why you shouldn't be), you should be able to hear the unholy howls well before they could spot you. Use this to hide yourself and your family! Don't choose obvious places like under the bed, or in a closet. Marauders also love to wreck things and will be sure to flip and smash anything they come across. Really think outside the box. How about hiding in the rafters, or in an attic? (Be sure to cut the pull cord!)

8. Cardio - All this running and hiding and possibly fighting can take a toll on the fragile body. Keep it healthy with regular exercise and no more than 2 binges a week.

9. Pray Away - The Marauders are rumored to worship Ni'dregg. Get yourself right with the gods and perhaps they can help you in your hour of need. Besides, it couldn't hurt, right?

10. News You Can Use - Stay tuned to your local news feeds (and the Fringe News Feed) for announcements about imminent Marauder incursions, actions of local authorities, and (COMING SOON) further investigation of the Marauders in general. Forewarned is forearmed!


By TalkFast

In a past issue of the Fringe Newsfeed, it was predicted that Empress Gheverie of the Imperium of Man was so heartsick from the troubled life of a leader, that she would fake her own death.

"The Empress is sick and tired of being larger than life, and wants to live like a regular person," said renowned Taranis psychic and metaphysician Dr. Aaron Preston at the time. "The Empire has trapped her in an unnatural world of intrigues and power, and there is a good chance that an intelligent and sensitive person like Gheveir might rebel against the hypocracy and corruption of that environment."

*** Dr Aaron Preston
"The only way out would be to fake her own death, and to go underground to try become a normal person," Said Preston, who specializes in celebrity predictions. Preston added that the masked one would most likely try to escape her hellish existence by "dying" and using a look-alike corpse to convince the empire that she was gone.

Another theory is that the Empress is indeed still alive, but only to escape an complex assasination plot, and that she even now walks among the people in disguise, trying to find a way to save the empire and her people from the top-heavy decadent corruption that will otherwise destroy them.

Did the Empress have a plan all along? Is she still alive somewhere?
We want to hear from our readers - Give your opinion in our poll, or post in the comments if you think you may have seen the Empress!


By TalkFast

Zigany Wants Your Children!

Our readers everywhere were shocked and horrified with the Zigani abductions last year, the kidnapping of every child under 13 during the Zigani attack on Tokpela. At the time, rumors flew that the invaders craved imperial human flesh, or that they planned to use the abductees as a bargaining chip in some future negotiation, but according to Fringe Newsfeed sources, the truth may be even stranger and more alarming, because it means that they will probably be back for more children!

A source who asked to remain anonymous revealed that the Zigani home worlds have taken in these children to be raised as part of Zigani society. It is rumored that the children are being brainwashed to forget their old homes and families, and all believe that they were starving orphans before the Zigani abducted them. Re-education in Zigani schools is designed to complete the transformation.

“But, why?” we asked our source. The horrible truth is this: The Zigani are a dying race. Perhaps some illness has left them unable to reproduce, but the FNF has learned of a reason even more bizarre: The Zigani are all CLONES, and with each generation their genetic viability is fading. Stealing children from other humans may be their last desperate battle to save themselves from extinction. It has been reported that some of the Zigani have secret methods to keep themselves from aging, and that they are holding out as long as they can, but their time is running out.

Authorities in multiple communities, when contacted by FNF, agreed that they should start taking a closer look at missing child reports to search for patterns of alien abduction. Guard your home-planets well, readers. Your children could be next!


By TalkFast

As reported previously in this Feed, last year’s tragic accident during recording of an episode of Brennan Brothers Explorer's Adventure Show resulted in the loss of all but two of the show’s octuplet adventure journalists. The beloved vidhosts set out on an expedition to explore underground chambers and the “deeper mysteries” of Eclipse, when an unexpected wave of water scattered the group into the tunnels deep below Gate Town. Brothers Martin and Bobbi were rescued, but two other brothers bodies were found, and four others are presumed dead.

The rescue party sent last summer found little more than abandoned gear and an imager with a few mysterious blurry pictures, but rumors persisted that the Brennans had found something truly astounding. Now, the FNF has the exclusive report on another chapter in this gripping story.

The would-be rescuers navigated treacherous tunnels and fought shadowy carnivorous creatures capable of scaling walls at great speed like spiders, but the most unusual find in the cave was even stranger: A giant pill-bug scuttling among the ruined caverns and steam pipes!

Witnesses say the baffling behemoth bug was over fifteen feet long and armored with seemingly indestructable plates. When threatened it could roll up into a ball and roll like a giant boulder, smashing all in its path! Luckily for the rescue party, famous GateTown pit fighter [name redacted] was along and used her ability to charm creatures to tame the perplexing pillbug, by feeding it mushrooms and singing it to sleep. She then harnessed it like a pony and the adventurers rode the beast to safely excape the flooding caverns.

The Feed has learned that several corporations have an interest in capturing some of these creatures for possible use in industrial labor, petting zoos, or military transport over difficult terrain. “Who knows,” said one Imperial weapons researcher, “The one they saw might have been a runt. These bugs could wind up being thirty feet long. I can just imagine the look on those Aramni soldiers’ faces if we rode with a troop of those badboys.”