Grist Town: Your gate. Your town. Your tawdry details.

By TalkLoud, FNF staff gossip columnist

Is a Secret Society controlling the universe?

One of the most visible people in Gatetown is the Lotus of Middian, the precious flower of Eclipse. She single-handedly stopped the panic caused by the threats of the terrorist Sorrow from spreading throughout Morgan’s Landing, and can be seen in an “action pose” on the wall of many orphans. More than one boy or girl has been heard to say that they are going to marry this cherished flower when they grow up. In fact, she is rapidly approaching the popularity of the Mistress of Fire with the miscreant children. Is there a jealousy-driven cage match in the future? Only time will tell. However, gentle readers, a struggle between two beautiful women is not the crux of this piece.

Explorer of the Unknown Reaches, Lotus of Middian, Guardian of Morgan’s Landing, Heir to the Blade of Destiny, caretaker? The word has been whispered in the Quad-Portals and passes upon the lips of those that travel the nodes near Middian. It has always been assumed that when she said she was a caretaker, she simply meant that the well-being of Middian was her concern. When she spoke of other caretakers, most assumed she was referring to her fellow goodwill ambassadors and concerned galatic eco-citizens. The Fringe News Feed has learned otherwise.

The Combat and Reconnaissance Elite Tactical Assault- Keen Empathic Rangers, commonly known as C.A.R.E.T.A.K.E.Rs, are a group of intergalactic spies imbedded in every planet in the known universe. The C.A.R.E.T.A.K.E.Rs operate outside of any racial or government boundaries with no oversight or system of checks and balances. We here at the FNF love to extrapolate from a subset of one, so we look to that Lovely Lotus of Middian, Mistress of Maps, Daughter of the Unspoken Word, to give us insight into this hitherto unrevealed organization, and allow us a chance to assess their threat.

Insight One: C.A.R.E.T.A.K.E.Rs can be tricky to date.

What’s that being shipped by the interplanetary cargo transport? Why, it’s some emotional baggage! Not that you can blame them. If I found I had been a clone, was treated as having no soul by the Empire of Man, had to face an unspeakable evil in a sword, and am a member of a culture no one believes exists, I would probably wallow in alcohol rather than offer myself up for intergalactic policing. Then again, a hangnail makes me want to wallow in alcohol, so I am not exactly a bastion of stalwart will. A potential suitor can’t help but have some serious self-esteem issues when having first date discussions and she responds with “Oh, I am a member of a secret organization that ensures the well-being of the entire universe. What do you do?” Imagine having to go to a work party, talk about an inferiority complex. When she disappears in a pillar of flames, and you worry endlessly, she just responds with “Relax, I was just going to work.” Of course, dating a girl who can see the warp and weft of space-time is daunting. Just remember, anything you try, she HAS seen before.

Threat Level: 5, but only if you are dating her.

Insight Two: C.A.R.E.T.A.K.E.Rs are glamorous.

Stylish armor, designer sunglasses, fabulous clothes, envy-causing weaponry, coveted psionic prowess, quantum expertise, exotic love interest? Septa-check. Sure, that comes with some less desired, but no less glamorous, things like being chased by an evil council of elders, facing threats from outside of time and space, and being seen as such a valuable and cohesive resource that organizations attempt kidnapping. Let’s face it, the Glistening Lotus of the Gate is probably more glamorous than you. She’s even more glamorous than most of the inhabitants of Middian, a planet widely regarded as the bellwether of the universe. Since the first mention of the Black Widow of Middian what’s known as web-play has become common in the more fashionable Akeir night clubs. Temporary spider web tattoos, black and red hourglasses, and gossamer strands to serve as stockings or hair nets, all of these have been seen in recent months. Lotus Battle Chic stands to become the next big fashion wave. Is it any surprise?

Threat Level: 8. It stands to reason that this power can be abused to make the Empire even more ridiculous.

Insight Three: She Knows

It’s really just that simple, and frightening. It’s her job to know what’s going on in the galaxy, especially on Middian. Bomb in a town, she knows. A force from beyond reality hovering around the planet, she knows. The Middian Marauders Football Club losing a match to Blizzard Peak, she knows. The world-wide lizard cult conspiracy, she knows. What you do alone in your bunk and night, and who you are thinking of while doing it, she knows, though she really, really, really wishes she could turn that power off, despite being offered a stack of credits to spill the beans. You can’t run, you can’t hide. Her roots stretch across the planet, her stem reaches into your dreams, her leaves block any possible chance of escape, and her petals tremble as they drift in the breeze of your schemes and plans. This is the crux of it, nothing goes on without her knowledge. Deal with it.

Threat Level: 0. We here at the FNF implicitly trust the Breathtaking Lotus of the Gate with our safety and well-being. Anyone who says otherwise is a Nidregg-humping spiral-faced liar. Honest.

In summation, the Lotus of Middian is no threat to anyone, there is no such organization as the C.A.R.E.T.A.K.E.Rs and we will be sure to check our sources more closely in the future. We are accepting donations to a charity in the name of the Lotus of the Gate.

Feral or Front Man?

Hands roughly the size and shape of a wood chipper, a tendency to growl rather than speak, and a disposition cold enough to force Kshathrans back to their solid states. Canidae is the leader of a fearsome S.T.R.I.F.E. team, and a reputed mutant of some strength and tenacity, but is he also the lead singer and keytar player for Tractus Lupus? Tractus Lupus, the Fringe-Core Imperial group that once sold out the SKVW Imperial Center for a three night show, is known for its political statements as much as its driving beats and unforgettable hooks. Front man and keytar player Jackson Howl was perhaps the most famous member of the band before disappearing some thirty months previous. He told Teen Obsession VidLogs that he wanted to “Get away from the Imperial propaganda train and get out there on the Fringe, with the people who just GET it”.

Since early 159 AGW, Jackson Howl has been out of the public eye, with the INN suffering for the lack of his tawdry trysts with House nobility. Known for his love of noble women, Jackson would often form “fan clubs” for them in order to catch their attention, ultimately ending a very public affair and even more public break-up as his next “fan club” got up and running. When these stopped, it was assumed Jackson Howl had crossed the wrong elements out in the Fringe, who didn’t take too kindly to his using their lives to make a bundle. That is, until recently.

Not only are there rumors of another “fan club” dealing with a certain sexy Imperial doc, but vids of the latest S.T.R.I.F.E. league engagement have been circling the galaxy. In it appears to be none other than Jackson Howl, though obviously in disguise. Going by the name of Canidae, Jackson appears to be not only living the Fringe life, but has taken to full immersion research. Known for his stage theatrics, Howl has seemingly taken his However, he just can’t seem to leave his old life completely behind, as rumors of Canidae’s musical prowess are already circling amongst the citizens of Gate Town. Perhaps Jackson wants to prove that he succeed with his musical style in a true “Fringe-Core” environment, or perhaps he is filming a DocuVid to be released in 162 AGW. Even stranger still, perhaps this Canidae is not Jackson Howl at all, and it’s merely another in a strange series of coincidences, but that seems the most unlikely of all.

Gossip Scraps

• The local Agent of the Tulku Council was seen with a tear in his eye during the Quad-Portal Dance-a-thon, with nary a spun web in sight. Is the Tulku/Widow romance over before his blood is drained and only a withered husk remains?
• Only after Baron Sword-and-Wolf slipped his Lovely Librarian to Be the dagger did she consent to his hand in marriage. Imperial Marriage Customs demand that a lady gets to inspect a man’s blade.
• Coincidence or Decadence? Mere hours after Pulpiteer returned from a mission involving dastardly corporations, he was seen indulging his sweet tooth with a certain Nog’s Grog employee. The same Nog’s Grog that is buying up portions of Broken Sun…along with a corporation known for their slave trade. Sexpionage? We’ll let you judge that.
• Parsley Sage, a Yazatas healer, has been seen issuing orders and receiving reports from not only her fellow Yazatas, but some silicate friends as well. Is she the true power behind this pyramid of SCIENCE?
• Displays-His-Abs was seen disappearing into his abode with one of the Sisters of Fate, claiming he needed to “check his divining rod”. He was not seen for several hours. Is there trouble between Sharkzor and Displays-His-Abs already, or are Sharkzor’s Fringer ideals rubbing off, if you get our drift.
• Faux Fracas? Whispers that the latest S.T.R.I.F.E. contest was rigged are already being muttered. People cite the lack of focus on the offensively potent psions as an obvious ploy by the league to make a killing in the books. Some organizations on Taranis are calling for an investigation into the league by outside parties.
• While waiting on a guide to take him to the planet of Ottar, it has been reported the Baron Glow-Gun Gambler has won a sizeable stake in the new WebCom division of SKVW. The division is looking to develop Web Way path to path communication and travel capabilities.
• Stock in Insane Ideas, LLC plummeted after the news that Silvery Alloy lost the newly appointed Chief of Outside Opportunities on a company outing in Station City. Tortuga, a key member of the board of directors, is calling for the resignation of Silver Alloy.
• Snickersnac has been offered a liaison position in the new Naraka administration, but has reportedly turned down the lucrative job offer so she can “focus on the man in her life”.
• Orpheon, in an attempt to generate revenue, has declared the word SCIENCE to be a vulgar word. It is expected that ticket related revenue will quintuple in a mere week. Seeker has been retained by the people of Gate Town in order to file an injunction.
• Kills-With-Her-Mind wins “Luckiest Woman in the Empire” contest by overwhelming majority vote, despite not being entered. The diminutive diva won Akeir Weekly’s annual clearinghouse sweepstakes entitled, “Luckiest Woman in the Empire”. The prize package includes two thousand fresh blue-backs, an in person meeting with Imperial Regent Cormac-Al’Eld, and a condo in the Vid District of Akeir . Kills-With-Her-Mind has not yet been reached for comment.
• Downward spiral? A certain saucy sprite was heard to have a special spiral Sapphic friend visit her late one evening. Is a sexy love affair with a voluptuous aspect of Nidregg possible? Signs point to a definite maybe.