Grist Town: Your gate. Your town. Your tawdry details.

By TalkLoud, FNF staff gossip columnist

Journalists on Patrol - Day in the Life of Avalon Ranger Pulpiteer
There are very few instances of pure, innocent joy in the life of a journalist. Of those precious few moments, having the opportunity to become an embedded reporter is only exceeded by hearing the phrase, “You no longer have to cover the Erlik’s Cutest Jungle Monster contest.” Yet that’s exactly what happened when I received notice that I was going to participate in an Avalon “walk along” with a true Avalon Ranger. The news was enough to penetrate even the deep haze of meds and stims required to keep the hallucinations caused by the venom of the Spined Horned Cat, second runner-up, at bay. How our Editor-in-Chief arranged this, we have no idea, but we speculate that it involved alcohol. To our delight and surprise, we were assigned to none other than Pulpiteer, the famed lawman of Middian. We arrived at Avalon headquarters bright and early on the day in question, long before the sun had even risen.

0600 - Arrive at Avalon’s Middian Headquarters, fresh coffee greets us. Best. Assignment. Ever.
0630 - No sign of Pulpiteer, J-Co attempts radio rousal to no satisfaction.
0704 - J-Co allows us to go with him to the barracks to check on Pulpiteer.
0712 - Maybe I shouldn’t have had that third cup of coffee.
0727 - J-Co informs us that Pulpiteer’s position as a holy man ensures him a private suite in the barracks. The cute lady Ranger giggles and tells us it’s called “Confession.”
0728 - Five different socks are hanging from the door handle; J-Co seems confused.
0729 - J-Co pops the door handle, revealing what can only be described as an abundance of exposed flesh and Grog.
0730 - Pulpiteer helps himself to a cigar while giving the Nogg’s Grog girls a sermon on Tane. Giggles seems starry eyed...I’m considered converting.
0800 - After waiting for Pulpiteer to shower and get ready, J-Co gives us the lowdown. A saboteur has infiltrated Nog’s Grog. The perpetrator is an expert at corporate espionage, codename: Candy Striper.
0958 - Pulpiteer has reviewed the case and informed FNF that Candy Striper is code for a “Booze Babe.”
1000 - Pulpiteer begins drawing pictures of what she might look like so “he’ll know who he’s up against.”
1030 - Drawing of her surfing through the web ways completed; there is something that might be a shark chasing her.
1044 - Drawing of the Candy Striper collecting church donations while wearing a bikini completed; sacks with credit symbols spotted in the drawing.
1104 - Drawing of the Candy Striper wrestling Pulpiteer in a vat of Nog’s Grog presented as a possible tactical plan to J-Co.
1105 - Pulpiteer handed ice by Giggles after being slapped.
1123 - We head to a club near the Nog’s Grog facility to see what shakes loose.
1131 - Several one credit bills shake loose; other things just shake.
1139 - Pulpiteer spends some time flashing some photos and seems to find someone willing to talk.
1144 - A Yazatas woman joins Pulpiteer at the table. and the man he first talked to leaves.
1147 - A large group of Aeshma come over to inquire as to why Pulpiteer is talking to the boss’s lady. The look on her face is one of fear. Pulpiteer takes offense.
1150 - The alley of the club might smell better than the inside, but that might be a result of the broken nose.
1151 - The woman rushes over to Pulpiteer and helps him to his feet, whispering fervently and sliding something into his pocket.
1200 - We have a nice lunch of nachos and a single pint of Grog.
1300 - We return to the case, looking up an elderly man named Tom Peterly.
1337 - Pulpiteer handles a group of dragon wolves with his side arm, shouting out a prayer we can’t quite print... He shows me a collar from one of the dragon wolves, claiming that he’s ruffled some feathers. The collar shows a gilded CH on it.
1422 - We arrive in a hovel just on the wrong side of Gate Town, where an old man smokes hand-rolled stinking cigarettes. He doesn’t look inclined to help us.
1427 - Tom and Pulpiteer glare at each other in silence, playing a game of Vajran Dominoes. Neither says a word.
1448 - The game ends, and I am not quite sure who the winner was. Pulpiteer shows the old man a crumpled picture he pulls out of his pocket. The old man’s lip trembles for a moment and begins to speak softly.
1515 - Pulpiteer makes us stop at the refugee camp nearby. The next three-quarters of an hour are filled with wisdom, booze, and discreetly taking care of minor injuries and diseases. I get this feeling this is a safety precaution on his part, but it’s speculation.
1600 - We head to a flop house on the edge of town, and find strange plants covering part of the wall. Everyone in the place seems as if they are on some high-grade Gymir Snow. We are directed to the owner, Paulie “Swank Creds” Stamos. Paulie is a Kshathran that used to be big in the sling race circuit and now fancies himself a real estate mogul, and usually has a cigar crammed in his ugly mug. A lot of these Stamos Estates residences are “creds by the hour” affairs, and this one certainly looks it.
1601 - Paulie is rubbing his paws together in a way that makes it clear he needs to be compensated for his time.
1602 - Pulpiteer tells Paulie he has a burning question for him.
1603 - The smell of burning circuits fills the room along with Paulie’s screams. The cigar is no longer in sight.
1604 - We head upstairs, carefully making our way over the spice heads in the stairwell. The smell of stale smoke, vomit and despair clings to my coat.
1605 - The room that we stand outside of has thick smoke pouring out from underneath the door, with an acrid smell that can only be Lethese Hang Stem, one of the most potent narcotics in the galaxy. Whoever is smoking it is sure to be a winner.
1606 - A confused moment follows where I am certain we have stumbled into a Nog’s Grog party, before I realize that all of the exposed flesh just reminds me of Confession.
1607 - The trio of Yazatas are obviously sisters, and are floating higher than a sling pod champion at the moment.
1608 - Pulpiteer shouts and shakes them sober. “Terrified awe” is probably the best way to describe the expression on the faces of the stem heads.
1626 - Pulpiteer spends a while talking to the young ladies, asking questions and throwing away all of their stash. He tells me that Avalon will be by later to pick them up and hold them until they dry out, where they will then learn the trade of justice.
1755 - We make our way to the remains of a Broken Sun brewery; Pulpiteer looks nervous.
1800 - Pulpiteer insists we stop and have a drink, in thanks to Tane.
1810 - We thank Tane some more.
1820 - We are very thankful for Tane
1830 - Wr aer sover ythaknfl for Taen
1900 - How weird are bats? They have really big ears! Their faces look like freaky smushed cat-squirrels.
1944 - Giggles is here for some reason. I think she wants to go to Confession.
1947 - Giggles attempts to bite Pulpiteer on the neck, and I can tell that he doesn’t like that and that it’s weird. I’m a journalist, we notice these things.
1950 - Pulpiteer assures me that the sharp teeth and foaming of the mouth are not, in fact, how Giggles gets down.
1953 - Giggles stumbles, slamming her head into a disused spout. She does not rise again.
2001 - More weird foaming mouth people show up. This makes me nervous, but Pulpiteer begins to loudly pray to Tane and opens up fire. He assures me that Tane values an accurate head shot. Who am I to argue with a man of the cloth?
2018 - Too many foamers, we have to retreat upstairs.
2032 - Hiding out in one of the disused offices as we catch our breath, Pulpiteer begins to look through the scattered paperwork, eventually sniffing a page and uttering a very intimate and unprintable tribute to Tane.
2159 - We make it to the roof after tangling with too many foamers. The desk, a nice Neith piece that would have fetched some major credits on the collectors market, was reduced to kindling as we tossed it into the remaining vats and set fire to the lot of stinking, and now highly flammable, rotgut.
2233 - Pulpiteer fends off the foamers as we make our way back to the club. I can tell Pulpiteer has it all figured out.
2234 - Pulpiteer spells it out for me. The Candy Striper is none other than Candice Hickory, a hot Yazatas and daughter of renowned scientist, Dr. Hickory. Candice, outraged at the accusations leveled against her father that nearly destroyed his career, sought to strike back at those that defamed him. Posing as a Booze Babe, an attractive person used as a salesperson, she managed to infiltrate Gail’s Ale and Nog’s Grog both. Working from the old Broken Sun brewery, she managed to cross-pollinate the zombie plant with hops, creating a deadly and delicious ale. Those who drink it turn into horrible zombies, controlled by Candice! He was led to this conclusion when he saw the name on the papers in the office, and smelled the paper...the same perfume was on it that he smelled on the woman at the club. She’d led us on a merry chase that continually ended in our almost being killed. The old man was a Candice’s old chemistry teacher - he never wanted her to come to harm. The woman at the club that sent us to him must have known that he would have told us that her relatives, all stem heads, lived close by. We would have no choice but to go there and follow up. The dragon wolves were to scare us away, but we kept at it. The girls, all on Candice’s payroll, told us about the brewery, and how the Candy Striper paid them to find it for her, and that’s all they knew. They will have undoubtedly escaped custody by now. She was hoping that the foamers would infect us, finish us off. She didn’t count on Pulpiteer and his special dispensation of justice. The only questions were, who was this girl, and where was Candice?
2302 - We are back at the club and you could tell that the woman is surprised to see us. Her face is whiter than a ghost wearing a wedding dress. Pulpiteer just says, “Hello, Janice.” She bolts for the door.
2303 - Pulpiteer sprints and grabs her before she can get away. Sobbing, she says over and over to get her away from her, that her sister would kill her for failing. Pulpiteer consoles her and gets the rest of the story. Janice is the twin of Candice, owner of the Serpent Hole lounge that we were in. Candice threatened to kill Janice if she didn’t help her; after all, weren’t they sisters? Didn’t they love their father? Candice got crazier and crazier, splitting her time between here and the Broken Sun brewery as she slowly began her work of gaining trust and infiltrating breweries. Pulpiteer is grim and makes me stay here with Janice as he heads back in.
2305 - I think that’s a chair that breaks the window. Aeshma One follows it.
2306 - Aeshma Two has a bad hair day, singed bald by something that’s left his chest on fire.
2307 - There was a fire fight.
2310 - Pulpiteer emerges, carrying a wounded but not dying Yazatas woman that can only be Candice. We head back to base to debrief J-Co.
2344 - Candice is arrested and held for trial. Nog’s Grog and Gail’s Ale begin cleaning out their stocks, each threatening to sue Candice for the lost profits.
2345 - J-Co asks Pulpiteer what do with Janice, who seems to be a stooge in all this. Janice smiles and asks to go to Confession for her part in all this. Pulpiteer, being a man of the cloth, obliges.
0000 - Best. Day. Ever.

If Avalon is reading this, please let us go with you again. Next time, we’ll take pictures...

An Intimate Interview with Naraka Councilwoman Nadia Solarii

Everyone has heard that age old axiom “Every end is a new beginning.” This is perhaps thrice true for Nadia Solarii. Instead of bemoaning her circumstances and focusing on what she had to give up when originally migrating to Naraka, she went on to lead the ultra successful Solarii Industries. Recently, Nadia was involved in a highly publicized battle for the position of Council CEO with Orpheon Industries. Thanks to influence and diligence from both her superstar daughter and her allies on Middian, Ms. Solarii pulled off a stunning election day coup and supplanted the long-standing Orpheon Industries candidate. This signaled not only the end of Ms. Solarii’s time as solely a businesswoman, but the end of the old government on Naraka. We were lucky enough to be fit into her extremely busy schedule during a recent jaunt to Middian.

FNF: Thanks for speaking with us today, Council CEO Solarii. We know your time is valuable and the FNF is renowned for its inability to scrounge up enough credits to afford to pay attention. We are working on a slush fund, but we are having a hard time getting it off of Gymir.

Solarii: *laughs* No problem. My daughter has informed me of your fair and balanced reporting, and I consider this an excellent opportunity to converse in a much less formal setting.

FNF: So, Councilwoman, can you tell us why you are on Middian today?

Solarii: I am here for the social event of the season, well, the month at least...on Middian. My daughter, a longtime supporter of matrimony and monogamous relationships, made certain that I was in attendance. Weddings are beautiful occasions, and we need more beautiful occasions in these troubled times, wouldn’t you agree?

FNF: As you say Councilwoman, we-

Solarii: In fact, we could use more of them, and my daughter agrees! It not only brightens spirits, but large events like this are excellent opportunities to stimulate myriad aspects of the economy. Tourism receives a major increase, as well as traditional luxury goods artisans. Every facet of the economy around the area of the event flourishes. Simply put, everything about them is good.

FNF: Interesting. Do you think that you will-

Solarii: You know my daughter, I am sure. She is an incredibly talented, beautiful and famous pit fighter. What you might not know is that she is officially accepting suitors! She’s told me all about her ideal man, and what better place than to share it than with the Fringe News Feed?

FNF: Well Councilwoman, we don’t normally-

Solarii: Excellent! I knew you’d agree wholeheartedly! As you are all undoubtedly aware from the Vids, my daughter is a divine creature with looks that could even make the most devout follower of Nidregg turn that spiral into a straight line, if you catch my drift. Not only that, but she’s a tough and independent creature that doesn’t need a man, but still deserves to be lucky in love. Did you know that I once caught her sneaking out of the house to make out with the son of a visiting Imperial noble? The look on that boy’s face when I told him I was going to tell his mother! As for my daughter, she turned redder than a lava lobster! She didn’t speak to me for a week! I think that’s when it started though, her secret love of men from the Imperium.

FNF: I am not sure that your daughter would want her-

Solarii: *laugh* Nonsense! She is just too shy to do this on her own! If you want to find your way into my daughter’s heart, here’s what you need to know. While she tried to hide it, she simply adores men with the classic Imperial look. The more midnight the black of your ankle length leather coat, the more commanding your authority, the tighter your buttons and pants, and the cleaner your cut, the more she will be romancing you in her mind. She wants her man to keep some mystery. If you want to catch her attention, you need to be willing not to share everything with her and keep her guessing. If you appear to be a puzzle she can’t solve, she won’t be able to put you out of her thoughts. Finally, it’s all about the voice for her. If you have a voice that might rattle a window pane, you will make her knees rattle. While this might seem like too much information, I feel that having the proper information is key to having success in finding a suitor that I can approve.

FNF: Ma’am, we don’t usually-

Solarii: Oh! I wouldn’t want to forget to give other necessary information to potential suitors. I found one of her diaries once where she discussed wanting three children. She’d like one daughter and a pair of well-behaved boys. If you have the means to possibly ensure this, I am positive it would win points. The diary also talks about when she was on a date and-

FNF: Looks like our time is up folks! The FNF would like to thank Council CEO Solarii for her time and insight into her busy life as a newly elected official. The FNF would like to remind certain parties that we should not be held responsible for the comments of our interviewees. In a non-related note, we would also like to thank Solarii Industries for their generous donations.

Gossip Scraps

• Snickersnac might have a new father figure on the horizon. Empathic Cyborg Web Guide was seen cozying up to her mother during a recent Gate Town gathering. The question remains, will he ask her to call him daddy?
• Pulpiteer officially confirmed that Widow Chic is no longer in fashion. In a fabulous faux pas, he was seen sporting a sparkly sport coat. Rumors seem to confirm that he caught no lady flies within his gussied up web. This proves once again that Imperial fashion changes faster than who is claiming to be the Emperor.
• For the second gather in a row, a yeti was reported to be sighted near the Gate Town denizens. Have the gentle giants migrated here from Gymir, and if so, what do they know that we don’t?
• In a scandal that shook the bedrock of Gate Town, it has been revealed that Jackson Howl is married! As a well-known scientist/fringe-core musician he was considered to be quite the catch and have a long string of meaningless encounters with groupies, as required by his label’s contract. Instead, his reappearance in the spotlight has him happily married. How long until the label drops his group?
• The nuptials of the Sword-and-Wolf family went off without a hitch. By the accounts of the Raven family’s party planner, they received no less than three hundred doilies. Baron Sword-and-Wolf was heard to thank FNF for their gift recommendations. Congratulations Baron!
• Someone has “planted their seed” with the Glow-Gun Gambler. Kills-With-Her-Mind is said to be “concerned”. Watch out, oglers!
• Empathic Cyborg Web Guide and the Agent of the Tulku have been seen practicing a strange form of martial arts over the last few weeks. It involves recorded music and spinning upon the ground and using a combination of high energy and acrobatic moves. They are said to be competing over an unknown issue in a “breakdancing duel to the death” within the coming months. Butch Thompson and the STRIFE league are looking to obtain exclusive rights.
• Stock in Insane Ideas, LLC. continues to plummet after CEO Silver Alloy’s latest venture of a blood based infrastructure was met with a chill reception.
• We aren’t sure what Naughty Nerys is fully involved in, but it involved several fine specimens of Gate Town dressing up and practicing the art of seduction. Rumors of fake illicit corporations have sky rocketed in the following days.
• Seeker is in the market for a big book, and throwing lessons. He is paying reasonable sums, but be sure to check that contract before you sign it.
• Rumor has Doc Snail putting on her most festive jacket in order to garner some attention. With Sharkzor nowhere in sight, is she looking to put her healer’s hands on Displays-His-Abs?
• With nuptuals in the air, it’s always a good opportunity to couple watch. A certain silicate playmate looked a little green around the gills and was smiling a little too widely to be entirely comfortable, while the Lotus and Coffin Stuffer seemed smug and cozy in their devoted union that need not be defined the words of man nor god.
• When taking on a Shackler, gaudy things in ivory and gold, it is important to deploy the proper technique. For those looking for lessons, inquire with one Quiet Storm. He might not say much, but his slide kicks are the best this side of Dirty Doctors 5: Mud Medicine.
• X, a certain saucy sprite, looked positively electric in a acid green and black dress. Knowing her uncanny affinity with machines, one has to wonder if the Box of Utmost Partyfication told his Maru friends about the outfit and that’s why they came to town. When it became clear they missed the dress, they couldn’t help but vent their frustration.
• Talk Fast is in the market for some “confidential sources”. If you are a stoolie, rat, fink, squeeler, plant, informant or even a plain ol’ snitch, please inquire directly.

Grist Town: Your gate. Your town. Your tawdry details.

By TalkLoud, FNF staff gossip columnist


Duchess of the Dastardly
“Experience teaches many to never trust an Imperial. Just when you think one’s alright, they turn legit.”

That might as well be the motto for the 13th Division of the Army of the Covenant (patent pending). Lead by the so-called Duchess of the Dastardly, a woman feared for her rending rifle and terrifying telekinetic talent. Many would consider her quiet or unassuming at first glance, but that’s exactly what a tactical mastermind would want you to think. While everyone knows that soldiers are their own special breed, think for a moment on an entire division filled with zealous criminals. These zealous criminals are armed with the best and most expensive armor and weaponry HME has to offer. Are you scared yet? Well, don’t be! Thanks to the Duchess of the Dastardly, the only thing we have to fear from this group of ne’er-do-wells is rough language and funny smells…as long as you don’t make her angry.

In recent months, the 13th has been seen embarking on missions on Vohu, a known Haven for scum and villainy, on the Yazatas home world, turning over every leaf in the course of their investigations, and even performing covert actions on Naraka, hoping that things don’t get too hot for them. The rumor mill has it that the 13th is on a missing persons hunt, searching for not one, but many people. These missing persons are of great concern to the Empire, and woe to those who stand in the way of the Duchess and her men. A figure of intense mystery, the FNF has only begun to scratch the surface of who the Duchess is truly.

The Duchess was born during a low orbit drop over the planet Jord. It was said that the entire labor took place while her parents were waiting to deploy their chutes and that by the time they were ready to do so, the Duchess was already asking for a cigar and cursing so much it was making the priest blush. She learned to wield an assault rifle at the age of five, when her next door neighbor attempted to take her dolly. A close source says that the Duchess mounted a full out assault on her neighbors that resulted not only in the return of the doll, but her family gaining six more feet of yard space, and a percentage of the income of the doll-thief’s father paying to replace the fence that was torn apart by the Duchess’s armor piercing rounds. Her telekinetic ability manifested at age eleven, when local bully Molly Turnbaum took her Sanja Huron lunch box. Local authorities received reports of a crying girl suspended in the air by the galaxy’s most impressive wedgie.

As a teenager, the Duchess lied about her age and joined the Imperial Army, already looking for a way to kill as a many people as possible for a cause she believed in. While everyone knew she was only fourteen, people were already too frightened of her to speak of it out loud. At the age of seventeen she was brought before a military tribunal for bodyslamming a Keretian Death Lizard on top of her commanding officer. When she was only twenty-two she was awarded the Meritorious Service in Gold for fashioning a shiv out of the thigh bone of a slain comrade and saving the rest of her platoon from a ravaging Terrordon in the jungle of Erlik. For the last several years she’s been stationed on the planet of Eclipse, though her actions have been kept secret for one reason or another. However, the galaxy should sleep soundly. If the Duchess is involved, you know that you are in good hands.

Love Is In the Air

The social event of the season will soon be upon us as Baron Sword-and-Wolf is set to marry the Lovely Librarian. That’s right ladies, Gate Town’s most eligible, and grumpy, bachelor is off the market. While it remains a matter of mystery as to how he escaped the spindly web of the Black Widow of Middian, everyone seems to be asking, “What can I get the man who hates or has everything?”

To help, we here at FNF have put together a friendly list to help the shopping impaired.

1. Cash. Look, we’ve all heard the people of House Sword-and-Wolf say “House Sword-and-Wolf needs money!” This is frequently one of their mottos. The rest of them aren’t fit to print. In most cases it would be considered crass to simply give a gift of cash at such an event, but crass is the new couture.

2. People. We here at the FNF do not counsel nor condone kidnapping someone to then gift them to the happy couple. However, if you have a fourth cousin that always embarrasses you at the family re-u, or a sister that drinks too much, or even a friend that always talks about how good looking they are, even though they aren’t that good looking and you are embarrassed to go to the store with them, then you might want to consider donating them. In service to the good Baron, they would be cleaned, fed, and be able to run and play out in the open. Probably. We assume anyway.

3. Swords. These should only presented ceremonially or left wrapped on the gift table. Imperial weddings are steeped in ceremony and tradition, and you can be sure that most everyone is packin’. It’s just not an Imperial event without being armed. If you attempted to present the Lovely-Librarian or the good Baron with a sword, it might be awkward. Just be careful.

4. Wolves. This is a no brainer. Baron Sword-and-Wolf is well known for wanting a pack of cybernetic attack wolves. You don’t have to supply the cybernetics in the wolf beforehand. That would be double gifting. A dragon wolf is a less than ideal gift, but as long as it can be cybernetically altered, and is house trained, then it will do in a pinch.

5. Some sort of tank. That seems pretty awesome to us here at the FNF.

6. Bees. Bees are a very responsible present. They not only help the environment flourish, but also produce honey, wax, royal jam, and honey wine. In the event that war is declared, they can also be weaponized into war bees.

7. Doilies. The frillier the better.

Hopefully this list proves useful! Remember, the bride and groom are registered at the Naraka Energy Rifle Foundry, Black Star, Blue Light, S.K.V.W. and Nog’s Grog Wholesale.

Gossip Scraps:
• Sources have seen the Black Widow of Middian arguing with several men during a relaxing trip to a secluded hunting preserve. Is the body count about to start piling?

• New hot neighborhood? The Lotus was seen getting cozy with some of the local wild life and was overheard having plans to move in for the winter. The area is already being dubbed Hunting Town, because Gate Town residents are clever.

• Snickersnac’s latest adventure is learning to write love poems that all incorporate the word “prey”, and “spay” is off the table.

• X, a certain saucy sprite, was seen going into the back room of Quad Portals for an extended period of time, during which chanting and flashing lights were observed. Afterwards, several people were seen emerging from the room, all with blood on their faces. We don’t know what happened, but it had to have been amazing.

• Pulpiteer was seen acting as the voice of reason during the forgotten people’s night of pleasure, acting as a chaperone and disappearing into the cabin of one of the most notorious women on Middian.

• Yeti sightings in Atlantis are at an all time high, spiking to one

• Rumors of a giant beast with tree trunk like nose and a brain for psionics have been circulating. Butch Thompson is paying a high ransom for the leg of the beast to be made into a trash can, and for the tusks to be used to make him a “new shoutin’ horn”.

• A silicate scientist has been seen making claims to “Make your cybernetics rock hard with just one dose of his juice.” There have been no takers.

• The super-double-secret boy toy of Lyre expressed disappointed upon seeing his lady love’s new weapon of choice. It’s a lot of live up to when it’s measured in acres, not inches.

• Baron Glow-Gun Gambler has been all abuzz as of late. Has he caught a bug?

• In an act truly indicative of Gate Town, an elaborate trap was set outside of what’s called the “arc terminus”. It managed to incapacitate the one friendly person to come through the gate.

• Both Silver Alloy and Displays-His-Abs are in mourning, as their fate-filled females are no longer present. They are both seeking comfort in Sharkzors hair.

• Looking for love? One of the noble women of Atlantis is seeking a suitor. Heard of those familial crystal shields? The fastest way is through her heart.

• Kills-With-Her-Mind is now so powerful that others fall asleep when she nods off. Look out when she has the hiccups.

• Empathic Cyborg Web Guide has been seen talking to himself and persisting in delusions of grandeur. Has he caught the cyborg virus that FNF previously mentioned?

• Dirty Doctors 3: Antivenom has become the highest grossing vid of all time, finally surpassing Manifestation. The top five now stand as Dirty Doctors 3, Manifestation, Colossal, Harold Tinker and the Expiring Santification, and Reconfigurers: Shade of the Planet.

Webways: Latest Victim of Civilization?

By TalkLoud, FNF staff gossip columnist

Are the Webways the next victim of rapid population growth? In a galaxy where entire city-planets lay in waste and ruin, the Webways have always been thought of as the streets that never need cleaning. While they weren't a place of safety, necessarily, you could be certain that you wouldn't have to find an injury lawyer to handle your attempted vehicular manslaughter case or have to pick up trash along the route. In the last year, that perception has been shattered, in the worst ways possible. Several months ago, a reporter with the FNF first reported on the so-called "Death Train" that smashed into the Gate of Taranis, all but decimating the entry way to the Web, and leaving people without a sense of safety, as rumors of a heavy weapons payload on the train continues to circulate. While safety itself is an ellusive concept on Taranis, this episode tossed the entire population into turmoil, with several rallies asking Rama to "Secure the Ways to the Future", and vigilante groups patrolling the area to...look for stray trains...we guess. To make matters worse, the presence of Imperial soldiers caused even further political disquiet, as the sheen of the anti-Empire statements were called into question yet again.

If the threat of giant trains of death weren't enough, now travelers must contend with stray trash in the ways as well! Reports coming in from across the galaxy have people discovering old pieces of paper, strange weaponry and even bizarre playing cards. FNF has managed to find one of these bizarre cards, in the hope of getting to the bottom of this galactic trash scandal. Current theories by experts place the cards as an elaborate marketing scheme by the underground Fringe-Rock group Ways to Her Heart, and the group is not disputing the claims, though they are not confirming reports, either. Ways to Her Heart are currently touring with Tractus Lupus, with a week of upcoming shows on Naraka before departing to Meurlain space.

This is the bizarre card found in the Ways, part of the rash of pollution ongoing in the Web. If you have any information on polluted state of the Ways, please contact FNF as soon as possible.

Scandalous Vid Poster Released!

By TalkLoud, FNF staff gossip columnist

The Fringe Newsfeed has obtained a special pre-release copy of the new promotional vid from XXX producer Hugo Johnson. In an exclusive interview, Johnson told FNF that "While names had to be changed for legal reasons, this is absolutely a true story, just as with the previous Dirty Doctors entries, Bootycamp and Siliconquest. We take great pride in our authenticity. Our audience demands nothing less".

Imperial, Fringe, Tribe and Meurlain PR firms have been reported to already attempting to contact the real life analog of these Adult Actors.

Grist Town: Your gate. Your town. Your tawdry details.

By TalkLoud, FNF staff gossip columnist

Is a Secret Society controlling the universe?

One of the most visible people in Gatetown is the Lotus of Middian, the precious flower of Eclipse. She single-handedly stopped the panic caused by the threats of the terrorist Sorrow from spreading throughout Morgan’s Landing, and can be seen in an “action pose” on the wall of many orphans. More than one boy or girl has been heard to say that they are going to marry this cherished flower when they grow up. In fact, she is rapidly approaching the popularity of the Mistress of Fire with the miscreant children. Is there a jealousy-driven cage match in the future? Only time will tell. However, gentle readers, a struggle between two beautiful women is not the crux of this piece.

Explorer of the Unknown Reaches, Lotus of Middian, Guardian of Morgan’s Landing, Heir to the Blade of Destiny, caretaker? The word has been whispered in the Quad-Portals and passes upon the lips of those that travel the nodes near Middian. It has always been assumed that when she said she was a caretaker, she simply meant that the well-being of Middian was her concern. When she spoke of other caretakers, most assumed she was referring to her fellow goodwill ambassadors and concerned galatic eco-citizens. The Fringe News Feed has learned otherwise.

The Combat and Reconnaissance Elite Tactical Assault- Keen Empathic Rangers, commonly known as C.A.R.E.T.A.K.E.Rs, are a group of intergalactic spies imbedded in every planet in the known universe. The C.A.R.E.T.A.K.E.Rs operate outside of any racial or government boundaries with no oversight or system of checks and balances. We here at the FNF love to extrapolate from a subset of one, so we look to that Lovely Lotus of Middian, Mistress of Maps, Daughter of the Unspoken Word, to give us insight into this hitherto unrevealed organization, and allow us a chance to assess their threat.

Insight One: C.A.R.E.T.A.K.E.Rs can be tricky to date.

What’s that being shipped by the interplanetary cargo transport? Why, it’s some emotional baggage! Not that you can blame them. If I found I had been a clone, was treated as having no soul by the Empire of Man, had to face an unspeakable evil in a sword, and am a member of a culture no one believes exists, I would probably wallow in alcohol rather than offer myself up for intergalactic policing. Then again, a hangnail makes me want to wallow in alcohol, so I am not exactly a bastion of stalwart will. A potential suitor can’t help but have some serious self-esteem issues when having first date discussions and she responds with “Oh, I am a member of a secret organization that ensures the well-being of the entire universe. What do you do?” Imagine having to go to a work party, talk about an inferiority complex. When she disappears in a pillar of flames, and you worry endlessly, she just responds with “Relax, I was just going to work.” Of course, dating a girl who can see the warp and weft of space-time is daunting. Just remember, anything you try, she HAS seen before.

Threat Level: 5, but only if you are dating her.

Insight Two: C.A.R.E.T.A.K.E.Rs are glamorous.

Stylish armor, designer sunglasses, fabulous clothes, envy-causing weaponry, coveted psionic prowess, quantum expertise, exotic love interest? Septa-check. Sure, that comes with some less desired, but no less glamorous, things like being chased by an evil council of elders, facing threats from outside of time and space, and being seen as such a valuable and cohesive resource that organizations attempt kidnapping. Let’s face it, the Glistening Lotus of the Gate is probably more glamorous than you. She’s even more glamorous than most of the inhabitants of Middian, a planet widely regarded as the bellwether of the universe. Since the first mention of the Black Widow of Middian what’s known as web-play has become common in the more fashionable Akeir night clubs. Temporary spider web tattoos, black and red hourglasses, and gossamer strands to serve as stockings or hair nets, all of these have been seen in recent months. Lotus Battle Chic stands to become the next big fashion wave. Is it any surprise?

Threat Level: 8. It stands to reason that this power can be abused to make the Empire even more ridiculous.

Insight Three: She Knows

It’s really just that simple, and frightening. It’s her job to know what’s going on in the galaxy, especially on Middian. Bomb in a town, she knows. A force from beyond reality hovering around the planet, she knows. The Middian Marauders Football Club losing a match to Blizzard Peak, she knows. The world-wide lizard cult conspiracy, she knows. What you do alone in your bunk and night, and who you are thinking of while doing it, she knows, though she really, really, really wishes she could turn that power off, despite being offered a stack of credits to spill the beans. You can’t run, you can’t hide. Her roots stretch across the planet, her stem reaches into your dreams, her leaves block any possible chance of escape, and her petals tremble as they drift in the breeze of your schemes and plans. This is the crux of it, nothing goes on without her knowledge. Deal with it.

Threat Level: 0. We here at the FNF implicitly trust the Breathtaking Lotus of the Gate with our safety and well-being. Anyone who says otherwise is a Nidregg-humping spiral-faced liar. Honest.

In summation, the Lotus of Middian is no threat to anyone, there is no such organization as the C.A.R.E.T.A.K.E.Rs and we will be sure to check our sources more closely in the future. We are accepting donations to a charity in the name of the Lotus of the Gate.

Feral or Front Man?

Hands roughly the size and shape of a wood chipper, a tendency to growl rather than speak, and a disposition cold enough to force Kshathrans back to their solid states. Canidae is the leader of a fearsome S.T.R.I.F.E. team, and a reputed mutant of some strength and tenacity, but is he also the lead singer and keytar player for Tractus Lupus? Tractus Lupus, the Fringe-Core Imperial group that once sold out the SKVW Imperial Center for a three night show, is known for its political statements as much as its driving beats and unforgettable hooks. Front man and keytar player Jackson Howl was perhaps the most famous member of the band before disappearing some thirty months previous. He told Teen Obsession VidLogs that he wanted to “Get away from the Imperial propaganda train and get out there on the Fringe, with the people who just GET it”.

Since early 159 AGW, Jackson Howl has been out of the public eye, with the INN suffering for the lack of his tawdry trysts with House nobility. Known for his love of noble women, Jackson would often form “fan clubs” for them in order to catch their attention, ultimately ending a very public affair and even more public break-up as his next “fan club” got up and running. When these stopped, it was assumed Jackson Howl had crossed the wrong elements out in the Fringe, who didn’t take too kindly to his using their lives to make a bundle. That is, until recently.

Not only are there rumors of another “fan club” dealing with a certain sexy Imperial doc, but vids of the latest S.T.R.I.F.E. league engagement have been circling the galaxy. In it appears to be none other than Jackson Howl, though obviously in disguise. Going by the name of Canidae, Jackson appears to be not only living the Fringe life, but has taken to full immersion research. Known for his stage theatrics, Howl has seemingly taken his However, he just can’t seem to leave his old life completely behind, as rumors of Canidae’s musical prowess are already circling amongst the citizens of Gate Town. Perhaps Jackson wants to prove that he succeed with his musical style in a true “Fringe-Core” environment, or perhaps he is filming a DocuVid to be released in 162 AGW. Even stranger still, perhaps this Canidae is not Jackson Howl at all, and it’s merely another in a strange series of coincidences, but that seems the most unlikely of all.

Gossip Scraps

• The local Agent of the Tulku Council was seen with a tear in his eye during the Quad-Portal Dance-a-thon, with nary a spun web in sight. Is the Tulku/Widow romance over before his blood is drained and only a withered husk remains?
• Only after Baron Sword-and-Wolf slipped his Lovely Librarian to Be the dagger did she consent to his hand in marriage. Imperial Marriage Customs demand that a lady gets to inspect a man’s blade.
• Coincidence or Decadence? Mere hours after Pulpiteer returned from a mission involving dastardly corporations, he was seen indulging his sweet tooth with a certain Nog’s Grog employee. The same Nog’s Grog that is buying up portions of Broken Sun…along with a corporation known for their slave trade. Sexpionage? We’ll let you judge that.
• Parsley Sage, a Yazatas healer, has been seen issuing orders and receiving reports from not only her fellow Yazatas, but some silicate friends as well. Is she the true power behind this pyramid of SCIENCE?
• Displays-His-Abs was seen disappearing into his abode with one of the Sisters of Fate, claiming he needed to “check his divining rod”. He was not seen for several hours. Is there trouble between Sharkzor and Displays-His-Abs already, or are Sharkzor’s Fringer ideals rubbing off, if you get our drift.
• Faux Fracas? Whispers that the latest S.T.R.I.F.E. contest was rigged are already being muttered. People cite the lack of focus on the offensively potent psions as an obvious ploy by the league to make a killing in the books. Some organizations on Taranis are calling for an investigation into the league by outside parties.
• While waiting on a guide to take him to the planet of Ottar, it has been reported the Baron Glow-Gun Gambler has won a sizeable stake in the new WebCom division of SKVW. The division is looking to develop Web Way path to path communication and travel capabilities.
• Stock in Insane Ideas, LLC plummeted after the news that Silvery Alloy lost the newly appointed Chief of Outside Opportunities on a company outing in Station City. Tortuga, a key member of the board of directors, is calling for the resignation of Silver Alloy.
• Snickersnac has been offered a liaison position in the new Naraka administration, but has reportedly turned down the lucrative job offer so she can “focus on the man in her life”.
• Orpheon, in an attempt to generate revenue, has declared the word SCIENCE to be a vulgar word. It is expected that ticket related revenue will quintuple in a mere week. Seeker has been retained by the people of Gate Town in order to file an injunction.
• Kills-With-Her-Mind wins “Luckiest Woman in the Empire” contest by overwhelming majority vote, despite not being entered. The diminutive diva won Akeir Weekly’s annual clearinghouse sweepstakes entitled, “Luckiest Woman in the Empire”. The prize package includes two thousand fresh blue-backs, an in person meeting with Imperial Regent Cormac-Al’Eld, and a condo in the Vid District of Akeir . Kills-With-Her-Mind has not yet been reached for comment.
• Downward spiral? A certain saucy sprite was heard to have a special spiral Sapphic friend visit her late one evening. Is a sexy love affair with a voluptuous aspect of Nidregg possible? Signs point to a definite maybe.

Oh Yeah? Oh no! - A biographical look at Butch Thompson

By TalkLoud, FNF staff gossip columnist

Rumble in the Jungle. The Free-For-All Fracas in Station City. The Taranis Showdown in the Streets. Naraka’s Tunnels of Terror. Most of us have either attended a Butch Thompson S.T.R.I.F.E. event, or seen vids of the bloody good aftermath. Still, who is this man, this master of masters of ceremony, this tour de force? What is the story behind the man who plays a trumpet to announce his own arrival, jump-kicks for violence, and attempts to trademark the words “Oh Yeah!”? Little is known about Butch Thompson before his rise to fame, but we here at the Fringe News Feed have managed to uncover the past of this man of mystery.

The story of Butch Thompson begins in the mean streets of Akeir. Butch Thompson, was born to Solis Saltare, one of the premiere modern dance instructors of Akeir at the time and the owner of Astral Phenomena Studios, and Cassidy Cormac under the name Isiah Cormac. Butch’s life began much as he lives it now, loud, abrupt and the focus of much attention.

Cassidy was an up and comer in House Cormac, devoted to the church and the glory of the Empire. Described as a classic black-haired beauty, Cassidy was engaged to be married to Damien Charles Alexander Juntach, a brilliant duelist and heir-apparent to the CFO of Juntachi Steel. Their wedding day gala was to be the event of the season in Akeir, and Cassidy, a studious scholar, had been sent to the legendary Solis to prepare for the dances she would be expected to know for her reception. For almost a year, Cassidy trained with Solis, knowing she would be required to be the most skilled dancer at her reception in order to keep the reputation of House Cormac in high standing with the nobility of Akeir. After nine months of sweat and tears, the big day arrived...and so did little Butch. In the middle of her wedding ceremony, Cassidy began to go into labor. Not knowing she was pregnant, the invited physicians of House Eioph rushed to her side. Soon enough, her condition became apparent. Damien was enraged, knowing he was not the father, and grabbed his blade to duel Solis, whom he had long suspected of having relations with Cassidy. Solis, ready for an attack, was said to jump, pirouette, and kick Damien right in his face. In the resulting confusion, Solis fled.

Cassidy was kept under close guard by her House, who were rumored to be looking for Solis in order to have him executed. Solis was said to use his prowess as a dancer to stealthily infilitrate the location in which Cassidy was held, and abscond with her and their son. They fled to the Fringe world of Taranis, where the story of Butch Thompson truly begins. The family adopted the name Thompson, and opened the legendary “Mass Dive” club on High King Avenue. Solis and Cassidy, now going by the names Jazz and Bangles, ran the club for many years, and it was known as a place of dance, sport, and gambling. Butch had begun running sound and production for the family at the age of 13, and he had begun to develop a reputation as one of the most sought after DJs or MCs in Taranis. When he was 15, Butch was attacked by a local gang. using the skills he had picked up on the streets, and the moves taught to him by his father, Butch managed to hold off six of the thugs, unknown that he was being recorded by one of the onlookers. Within a month, the vid of Butch defeating his attackers, one quite brutally with a kick that lodged the attackers nose in his brain cavity, circulated Taranis. Butch found himself in more and more fights, each one more vicious and brutal than the last. Each time, a vid of the encounter found its way into circulation. The attention this received helped to keep the attendance at the club at all-time highs, everyone hoping to witness one of the Butch fights.

The Thompson family was growing prosperous, with his parents talking about retiring and leaving the club to Butch. Then, late one night, a group of local toughs struck the club and set fire to it, with his parents still inside. When Butch caught one of the thugs escaping, he managed to learn that Damien Charles Alexander Juntach was behind the attack. For years after that, Butch seemed to disappear.

There were rumors than a young man had sought out the Aeshma Matara Master Tugev, and that this same young man had defeated the dreaded Rumal Narr, a beast with two heads standing fifteen feet tall that could level a building with its shrieks. Using the spine of the Rumal Narr as his cestii, he defeated 99 Aeshma challengers in a row without rest in order to win the approval of Master Tugev and prove his worth. All it took was a single jump kick from Butch Thompson to lay the great Matara master low. It is said that the Aeshma recognize Butch as the only organism worthy of individual praise.

The stories after this time are even more fragmented. The name Butch Thompson briefly surfaced on the planet of Lethe when he became known as the greatest lover the weapon researcher Star Thistle had ever known. It was said that the inspiration Star Thistle received from the loins of Butch advanced the field of weapon technology five years in a single afternoon. The knowledge she received from his loving in the evening changed the field so much that current practitioners could only break down, cry, and curse the name of Butch Thompson for crushing their life’s work with a simple display of his intimate prowess. After laying the ladies of Lethe low, Butch was next spotted on the planet of Vairya.

Butch hearing of the vaunted skills of the Atar strove to test his mettle against those fierce silicate soldiers. If the stories can be believed, a jump kick to the face of one Kshathran that had turned into a statue not only moved her, but launched her into the other two Kshathrans that Butch was brawling, knocking them down as well. The impression Butch made on these warriors was such that Kshathrans are said to refer to a particularly well made suit of armor as “Thompson Proof”. Butch received the honorary Fists of Keresaspa during his time on Vairya, and was said to defeat the Dahhak Web Way Pirates known as the Ephemral Fleet during a casual stroll one evening.

Though no one admits to being part of the destructive encounter, it is said that Butch pretended to be influenced by the powers of the Dahhak, and then grabbed his guard by his feet and wielded him as a giant club to defeat the rest of his captures. The Dahhak now refer to captives that pretend to be under their influence to be “pulling a Butch”. In fact, Dahhak can often be overheard to say “Make sure that one isn’t pulling a Butch”, when making business deals, referring to someone pretending to be less savvy than they actually are.

It was in the streets of Akeir that Butch Thompson went to meet his destiny. At a gala one evening, he had snuck into the event and challenged Damien Charles Alexander Juntach to a duel. Though he was now getting on in years, Damien accepted, still confident in his formidable skills. Butch, opting for his Fists of Keresaspa as his weapons, fought a long and protracted duel with the Junatchi swordsman. It is said that the onlookers could do naught but weep at the martial prowess on display. One woman was said to go into labor at the sight of Butch’s fighting skills, despite the fact she was not due for almost another month. If rumors can be believed, an elderly member of House Cormac suffered a heart attack during the duel, and Butch administered medicinal drugs to the man, all while continuing to do battle with Damien. It is said that both Damien and Butch were grievously wounded during the course of the battle, Damien made the mistake of disparaging the Butch’s parents, gloating about their deaths and his hand in it. It is said that Butch then shed his first and only tear since the deaths of his parents and said, “This is for Cassidy and Solis”, before kicking Damien in the head so hard that is simply exploded from the shoulders. Letting forth a shout that would become his signature, Butch shouted “OH YEAH!”

House Cormac was said to offer Butch membership within the House and Imperial Citizenship, due to their shock and horror over Damien’s actions. It was said that Butch simply gave a victory kick, stole a horn from one of the musicians at the gala, the same one he has now, supposedly, and blew it once. He left the hall then, never giving the House an answer, with his fists held high in defiance.

From here, everyone knows the story. Butch won the rights to the S.T.R.I.F.E. league in a game of strip poker against the Gymir Ski Bikini Team, received sponsorship from Nog’s Grog after an arm-wrestling contest and began his course to becoming a galaxy wide phenomenon. It is said that he still keeps a picture of his parents in his pocket at all times, and that a portion of all his proceeds go to help the orphans on the various planets he visits. Though he doesn’t fight any more, it is said that Butch is looking for an heir to take the Fists of Keresaspa from him, and gain the true Galaxy Champion of S.T.R.I.F.E. title, one that has never been claimed.

Butch Thompson is believed to be the fourth cousin thrice-removed from the Empress Gheverie. There are those who speak of Butch’s signature shout of “Oh Yeah!” being likened to the clap of thunder, and his horn emitting the fury of the storm. Is this a sign that perhaps Butch Thompson is the heir to the Imperial throne? Only time will tell. Until such time as the fate of Man rests on his shoulders, he will be there, bringing you the best in pitfighting entertainment. Of course, if asked about any of his past, he is sure to deny it, as the FNF had to do some deep digging in order to get the scant information we found. Humble as always, Butch is sure to downplay his past greatness, and focus on his current endeavors. Still, as long as he keeps bringing us quality entertainment, who are we to deny the great Butch Thompson? See you in the vids, Butch!

Grist Town: Sorry Sorrow, Party Time!

By TalkLoud, FNF staff gossip columnist

Sultry Surgeon Sheds Scrubs in Silent Support

The glamorous Dr. Firm recently shed her sensible, yet flattering, scrubs in favor of a sparkling top and short skirt that is bound to have all of the men screaming “Oh baby, take it Eioph!” Dr. Firm (in more ways than one, judging from that top) is known to provide outspoken opposition to the political ongoings of the Middian Imperium. To say she keeps a realistic and dour view of things is akin to saying I like booze in my drinks with umbrella. It’s true, but it doesn’t quite convey the necessity of the situation. However, in the fermentation festooned festivities of Man-O-War’s Drinkathalon, an all together different view of Dr. Firm’s political leanings was presented. Did her attire reveal her political desire? That’s the thought that’s circulating in everyone’s heads. Snarky Firm would have looked more at home amongst the Fringe than in the Imperium, that’s for certain. Her skirt was near indiscernible from the skirts and dresses of several known Fringer fashion icons. The bedazzling blouse screamed rave, not reserved. Of course, we all know the bare thigh being shown was nothing more than mind-control tactics, but, oddly enough, no one seemed to mind. As the evening wore on, she was heard to opine, “Boobies!”, more than proof enough for this reporter that she was full-on Fringe for the evening.

So, is this fashion trend a show of support for the Fringer systems? It seems likely. With the inhibitions sent home for the evening, Dr. Firm let her fun side for a walk, doing more for political relationships than a month of negotiations. She was a good-luck charm for Pie-Fingers, a well known Fringer bartender and former sports star, she was trusted to be the proxy for Wheeler Dealer, a merchant of some reknown, and even took advice from Man-O-War, with nary a sneer in sight. The clothes make the woman, as the saying goes, and it’s clear to this reporter that the woman in question is one that puts on a persona for her god and her Imperium, but wishes she could stand besides those she knows as friends. Expect this to be a trend. Club kids on Akeir have been wearing more and more Fringe attire over the past few years, and now that it is being worn as open support by the nobility it will spread even further. Remember, gentle readers, when you want to make a political statement, nothing speaks louder than short skirts and revealing shirts.

Delphinium "Berries" All Doubters
One Yazata is working hard to make the residents of Gate Town say, “Hickory Who?” While she publicly decries her role in repairing the reputation of her race, Dr. Naughtyberry is, of course, beloved by all and needs no reputation repair, Delphinium has been working diligently. As we previously reported, her hammocks were the initial inroads used to start to gain respect and trust of the community. However, she isn’t stopping there to snooze in her good idea. She has become known as the bearer of a fabled concoction known as “Pink Drink”, and is not only welcome at Middian Mixers, but is desired for her knowledge of mixology. This past party was no different.

Delphinium showed up with the well-connected and respected journalist “Lucky J”, and carrying a tray of meticulously cut strawberries filled with a gelatinous concoction that did not simply whisper “I will inebriate you”, it sang it while dancing about the room in choreographed numbers. Her knowledge of the Altered States of Inebria has become her greatest reference that if she hands you something at a party, it’s going to be phenomenal. She played cards, socialized and, without even trying, had people coming to her, seeking out her knowledge. It might have seemed that they were simply being considerate, as she was involved in a card game, but Delphinium is clever indeed.

It is of little surprise that throughout the course of the evening the phrase, “We should talk to Delphinium about that” was uttered many times. Seemingly without trying she has become an integral part of the plans of Gate Town, and has shed the Yazatas stereotypes that once accompanied her. She has become so well-liked that even Man-O-War gave her a Get Out of Violence Free card, and we all know how much he likes to commit acts of violence! That, if nothing else, is proof of her acceptance into the community.

So what’s next for the saucy scientist? It’s hard to know, but it’s safe to say we can expect good things from the budding technician.

Gossip Scraps

• The web grows wider. X, a well-known (and much stared after) technician with Quad-Portals, was heard to opine that she really enjoyed the curves of a certain Middian Black Widow. The power of this image alone might be enough to topple those with weak constitutions. Even when she is not in attendance, the gossamer strands are working to ensnare the unsuspecting.
• “Silver Alloy” was overheard asking if he should collect on the sizable bounties currently being offered. Others, upon hearing this, began wondering the same thing. Remember “Silver Alloy”, if you can’t spot the sucker, it’s you.
• Nasu utilizing weaponized dolphins? It’s more likely than you think! A Nasu representative seemingly gave away a closely held secret of her home. The sea, from whence the Nasu sprung, also holds psionically potent dolphins. The Nasu developed their psionic potential from working with these Aquatic Arcanists, and work in harmony with them. Let’s just hope, Sorrow Supporters withstanding, that the inevitable army of dolphin mounted space slugs is on our side.
• Speaking of Nasu, Dr. Naughtyberry was seen dragging away the representative for some amount of time. This was the second Nasu that the good doc has been seen cavorting with.
• Baron Glow-Gun Gambler doesn’t play cards? The populace might demand he be renamed.
• Need a date? Be a hacker! When Seven-Less-One arrived to work with the hackers, it became apparent that the party hacker population were primarily lovely ladies. One party-goer was overheard saying he picked the wrong profession. Fellas looking for love might consider the secure arts. It’s a number game boys, get to hacking!
• A certain silicate playmate has been rumored to have attained the knowledge of the choral arts. People should be wary when asking him to sing them a song.
• Seeker should be checked by genetic specialists. His evil beard has authorities worried he might be his own evil twin.
• Lyre might soon be wanted for murder. She was heard to say, "I am trying to decide if I just need to stab everyone."
• The men of the cloth seemed relaxed at this shindig. The Empire's spiritual leaders were seen cracking smiles and even unbuttoning some of their collars. Could this spell the collapse of the Imperial Faith?
• Snickersnac is a problem solving specialist. The phrase “Tell Snickersnac about it, that will solve it” was uttered more than once over the course of the evening. If you are looking for a solution, look no further than Snickersnac Solutions, LLC.